May 2011
42 posts
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NYT: Technology Provides an Alternative to Love →
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Little things keep turning up around the house. The huge packs of facial cotton she bought months back, the shampoo refills that will last a year at least, trinkets she left behind.
What am I going to do when these things break, and tear, and decay? What will I do when there are no reminders of love left to live by?
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This is how the story begins,
In a land of quiet sorrows and wasted woes, between the goodbyes which stretch for miles on end.
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“She realized she now felt differently from when the headmaster had told them the...”
– Totto-chan, Tetsuko Kuroyanagi
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Fear of failure
I look around me and I see my old peers becoming doctors, lawyers, dentists. I look at my own choices, seeing nothing, and I wonder if I have thrown it all away.
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3 AM Existential Clarity
Lately life has been trying to teach me something, but I probably haven’t been listening very hard because I still have no idea what it is.
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“The great mass of human beings are not acutely selfish. After the age of about...”
– George Orwell: Why I Write
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Do you know what it is like to watch someone you love die? I do. It takes over every waking moment of your life thereafter, and nothing else matters. Being introspective means that I am constantly watching myself, and the manifestations of grief. The symptoms are rife. In the past two weeks I have spent more money buying pretty things than I used to in a year. I tell people it makes me feel...
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Talking to myself
My mother passed away before she turned 48. It has been a hard 49 days - and it will be hard, always, to live with this - but if there is anything I’ve learnt for sure it is this: Given the nature of cancer, I am likely to get it too. To make a safe estimate, I might not make it past 50 either. I turn 19 in ten days, so that gives me 30 years, give or take, to make my mark, to leave the...
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“Mourning becomes part of your everyday life—wishing someone was there; someone...”
– The Long Goodbye
“Faith means living with uncertainty - feeling your way through life, letting...”
– Dan Millman
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How do you know when you've grown up?
Perhaps it is the fact that I love the taste of avocadoes, now. Or that most meals I tend to choose vegetables over meat, that the fresh crunch is more important to me than sugar highs. My smile is a little more forced these days, and my judgements come a little slower.
Maybe it’s when the solution to everything is a bottle of Barcardi Breezer, or the fact that you only talk to five people...
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Crossroads
“What do you want to do with your life?”
“Go with your gut.”
“Can you see yourself studying there?”
“What do you want to do with your degree?”
“If you don’t truly want it, give someone else a chance.”
I’ve never been more confused in my life. It is, I feel, not only because you are not here, because I would be confused in...
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Incomplete
There is a certain existential clarity that comes when your train passes by an empty one, stopped on the next track, and your eyes run by carriage upon carriage of emptiness. Whenever this happens a quiet sadness rises inside of me, and I am not too sure why. What is the empty train to me? Possibility? Finality? Loneliness?
This is the same way I feel when I pass strangers by on the street and my...
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I keep thinking that if anybody can stop me from making a mistake, it is you. You, with your too soft voice and dry humour. That if I were to tell you everything, you would say don’t do this, or it’s not worth it, or you are better than this. Or you could also look at me in disappointment and resentment, and walk away forever. And it is that last possibility that holds me back and...
“One reason I type is it simply makes me feel closer to my words,” Mr. Caro said....”
– The Digital Generation Rediscovers the Magic of Manual Typewriters
“This is the way it’s supposed to feel.” Wouldn’t it be magical to be able to say that about most other things, too?
I miss you to the ends of the world and beyond.
How can a person become only memory? Time itself is not enough. Nothing will ever be enough. We never, we never, we never.
We never should have let you go.
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So maybe I'm tired of the fast life, maybe I want...
Or maybe I am drowning in inertia and waiting for the right moment to vanish.
Teach me to tell the truth,
Teach me that it is okay to be myself.
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We paint memories the colour we want them, hang them up and immortalise them in glass cases for all eternity.
Puzzles with no solutions
I have spent too much of my life trying to be somebody else - many somebodies else - and now I am only a poor fitting jigsaw.
